fear

sometimes i have strong feelings of déjà vu, and they scare me a little.  some of the fear is that i'm about to have a seizure—it's one of the signs i've come to recognize as preceding neural difficulties in my own peculiar brain.  but a scarier (in a way) possibility is that my life is indeed a closed loop, and that i'm simply playing out a portion of it again.

i just hung up my bicycle from a hook i'd just screwed into an exposed beam in my kitchen, and i had a feeling of déjà vu.  now i know that i haven't ever hung up my bicycle in this apartment before; i used to hang it up in the basement of the townhouse i lived in before, but it was a completely different-feeling scenario.

am i about to have a seizure?  probably not.  is my life a closed loop?  i sure hope not.  maybe i'm just jumpy from watching Ally McBeal again and missing the way my life felt in the late '90s.  who knows.

maybe i'm beginning to move on, and it has me a little unsettled.